Talking to Aging Parents: 7 Things Never to Say

Talking to Aging Parents

Connecting with our senior loved ones is so important, whether they're our parents, grandparents, or other family members. But sometimes, even with the best intentions, we can accidentally say things that make them feel dismissed, hurt, or misunderstood. Let's explore some common phrases to avoid and why, so you can have more positive and supportive conversations.

1. You Always Tell Me the Same Story!

Imagine sharing a memory that's precious to you, only to have someone sigh and tell you they've heard it before. Ouch! For aging parents, repeating stories can be a way to process memories, connect with you, or simply enjoy a familiar tale. Dismissing it shuts them down and makes them feel unheard. Instead, try, "I love hearing about that! What was your favorite part of that day?" or "It's a wonderful story, tell me more about it."

2. You Need to Use a Cane/Walker!

Suggesting mobility aids, while often coming from a place of concern for their safety, can feel like you're highlighting their "oldness" or "frailty." It can be a hit to their independence. Instead of a direct command, focus on safety and comfort: "I'm a little worried about you falling, maybe we could look into something to help you feel more steady?" or "What do you think about trying a walking stick to help you feel more secure?"

3. You Never Feel Good.

This one can sound incredibly dismissive of genuine pain or ongoing struggles. When an aging parent frequently talks about not feeling well, it's often a cry for understanding or help, not just a complaint. Instead of invalidating their feelings, try empathy: "I hear you, Mom/Dad. It sounds like you're really going through a lot. How can I help you feel more comfortable today?"

4. You Shouldn't Live Alone Anymore.

This is a big one that attacks their independence. For many seniors, living in their own home is a huge part of their identity and autonomy. Suggesting they can't live alone can make them feel controlled and stripped of their choices. Instead, approach it with concern for their well-being and involve them in solutions: "I've been thinking about ways to make things easier for you around the house, so you can stay here comfortably. What are your thoughts on some extra help with chores or meals?"

5. You're Too Old to Drive.

Driving represents freedom and independence for many. Telling them they're "too old" can cause significant conflict and resentment. Focus on safety and finding alternative senior caregiving options: "I'm a bit concerned about you driving at night, especially with the glare. Maybe we could explore some other ways to get around, so you don't have to worry?" This opens the door to discussions about senior caregiver services or local transport.

6. I Can't Believe You Missed That Appointment.

This can sound like scolding a child and can break trust. Memory can be a challenge as we age, and a missed appointment might be due to a genuine oversight or confusion. Instead, approach it with helpfulness and understanding: "Oh no, looks like we missed that appointment. Let's put a reminder in place together for next time, so we don't forget." You might even consider apps for senior caregivers to help with scheduling.

7. You Don't Need a Jacket Today; It's Warm Outside.

Older adults often feel temperature differently due to changes in their body's regulation. Dismissing their comfort can make them feel invalidated. Trust their feelings about their own body: "You feel cold? Let's grab that jacket for you. Whatever makes you

comfortable!"

Communicate with Love and Respect

Talking with our aging parents requires patience, empathy, and a shift in perspective. By avoiding these common phrases and focusing on respectful, understanding communication, you can strengthen your bond and make them feel cherished and supported.

Looking for more senior caregiving tools or need to discuss plans for your loved one? DM us, follow us on social media, or send a message to start a conversation about how we can help you find the best in home senior caregivers and support for your family!